Don’t Answer Your Phone!

Perhaps I’ve had it too good, but the most annoying words to hear when getting someone on the phone are “I can’t talk. I’m in a meeting.” Usually I don’t have to wait that long to figure it out though. Something about how they answer the phone—their tone, the slight hesitancy, the distracted quality in their voice—give it away before they even speak the dreaded words. I can usually beat them to the punch line now too—”You’re in a meeting, aren’t you?” In the back of my head, I’m adding – “If you can’t talk to me, why did you answer the phone in the first place?”

Why does this happen?

The very idea of a meeting is that two or more people agree to be present for the other, for some purpose. For an update. For sharing of ideas. For getting information out into the open for the benefit of all in attendance. For all the wrath they attract, a meeting is one of the purest forms of collaborative activity available to mankind. In my opinion, the wrath is not about meetings per se, but about meetings that are poorly planned, badly run, and that require inappropriate attendance and participation. I believe in the power of well-run meetings for collaboration.

And then the phone rings. There is no shortage of advice to not answer the phone, and for very good reasons. It’s rude. It tells the other people in your meeting that they are unimportant. It breaks the flow of what’s happening. It ruins the conversation, sometimes irrevocably. Actively accepting a ringing phone as an interruption has nothing good about it.

Earlier this week I asked on Twitter what people thought about answering their phone in a meeting. Here’s the three conversations that then took place:

Sherman Woo (@SPSherm)
- Michael: You’re in a meeting. Your phone rings. Should you answer it? Yes or no, or maybe? Why?
- Sherman: Phone should have been on silent (not vibrate, grrr) mode. If emergency, person would call back right away, or text urgent msg.
- Michael: So if the same person rings multiple times, does that mean you would answer it? Would that be a “maybe” factor?
- Sherman: If same person is ringing very soon after original call, I’d interpret that as “urgent”, and therefore must respond.
- Sherman: If it turns out as “non-urgent”, person calling gets a scolding. OK, at a minimum a lesson on phone etiquette.
- Sherman: I guess depends who’s calling. If it’s someone u know only calls in case of emergency, then must pick up.

Neeraj Mathur (@neeraj)
- Michael: You’re in a meeting. Your phone rings. Should you answer it? Yes or no, or maybe? Why?
- Neeraj: If it’s the wife and she invoked the emergency protocol; absolutely yes!!! Everyone else can wait.
- Michael: Right – you don’t want to answer for “buy more bread on the way home.” What’s the emergency protocol? Text first?
- Neeraj: to each his own… ours is two calls back to back; first one rolls to Vmail, if busy; but when called again – better pick up!!
- Michael: Thank you – that’s good of you to have a protocol. Very cool. Thanks for sharing. #inameeting
- Neeraj: Oh! And we haven’t had the “buy more bread/milk/eggs…” moment yet.
- Neeraj: I should mention that “txt” is the de-facto during work hours; call means it is important and needs “live” time

Christopher Donohue (@AlphaKnowledge)
- Michael: You’re in a meeting. Your phone rings. Should you answer it? Yes or no, or maybe? Why?
- Christopher: It depends on who it is. I take OS [overseas] calls due to time variances and the narrow time to touch base again
- Michael: I usually do that too – but then get annoyed (anytime) when they are telemarketing calls.
- Christopher: When I get a those calls (rarely), I usually ask to talk to their supervisor’s supervisor to make an official complaint.
- Michael: Wow, that’s a good move. Deal with the problem when it shows up … forever. Great productivity advice.

A couple of other people also commented on the original question:
- Brendan Long (@ShutUpLongy), No. Public shaming required for letting it ring in the first place.
- Frederique Nagtegaal (@frederique1), no, never answer a phone call in a meeting. Why else would voicemail, sms or whatsapp exist?
- Mark Bennett (@markdbennett), generally no but in certain circumstances (prior emergency, pregnant wife, etc) yes IF you let chair know prior & quietly leave.

I like the emphasis in the above on exceptions to the rule – on pre-negotiating and agreeing permissible interruptions. Sometimes there are valid emergencies and items that are more important that someone has to deal with. That’s life. But talking about them with those you are meeting with before they happen allows the setting of expectations for all involved. I had a situation like that recently, while in the United States on business with a client. I explained in advance that I had to take a particular call during our workshop, and when my phone did ring, it was acceptable for me to step outside to answer the call.

This problem of ringing phones and dealing with other interruptions is not going away. As long as we hold the cultural ethos that being fully present with someone during a conversation or meeting is important, anything that disrupts, detracts, or deflects our participation is bad. Even if we could answer the phone silently and mindspeak with the caller, we’d still be disrupting the conversation or meeting we were originally participating in. Technology will not solve this problem. It’s up to us.

In close, use the technology tools you have available to amplify up your involvement in communication and collaboration activities – to create the conditions for effective collaboration, to minimize disruptions, to support focus and concentration. Unless it’s an emergency, leave the call to go to voice mail. Use the technology to be there more fully — to bring more of yourself to the meeting, not less.